Matthew Johnstone’s book and narrated video are still one of the best illustrations of depression that I’ve seen and have helped me conceptualize my own depression in the years since I first saw it. The video is less than five minutes and teaches a lot about what symptoms of depression can look like in everyday life and how treatment can be effective in lessening these symptoms – give it a watch to make better sense of the rest of this post.

There are a few reasons why this conceptualization of depression resonated with me. First, I was drawn to the idea that the depression exists external to the self. I am a depressive, but I am not my depression. My depression is not my personality, though it has a definite presence in my life, just like the black dog.

Second, my depression may be a constant in my life but the size and shape of it can change. So, I have a black dog, and his name is depression. Sometimes, he is the size of a house, and his weight crushes me and paralyzes my life. Sometimes, he is like a German shepherd, trotting beside me and following me everywhere I go so that I am always aware of his presence. And, sometimes, he is a small puppy that can fit in the palm of my hand. But all the time, there are things that I can and must do to affect his size.

Finally, embracing the black dog opened up my path to healing and developing the skills to live with it. I had to start owning that I have a black dog, instead of always saying “I’m fine.” I had to start letting myself feel my feelings and learn ways to communicate them genuinely to my support network around me. I take medication, and that helps, but it was not THE answer – the skills-building was absolutely essential to learning to live with my black dog.

I like to say that my secret is that I’m always depressed. I embrace that I have a black dog, and he’s always there. I’m also putting in the work every day to keep that black dog as small and playful as possible – he can be a part of my life without dominating it.